Random Ramblings of Fuzface Dahedgehog

Don't let the wittle dwagon die!

2008-09-26T13:53:00.000-07:00

Click it! Save my dragon from certain death, pwease.

And this one:

And this one:

Bordem...

2008-09-25T11:50:00.001-07:00

Ok. So as soon as I get on here to post, my brain goes blanck and I can't think of ANYthing to post on at all.

So, just letting you know I'm not dead yet...

And I can't go a day without quoting Monty Python..... I'm bored.

Obligary post of the month

2008-07-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

Since you didn't get one last month, here you go. I'm posting. this is my third sentence. This is my forth sentence. I'm trying to find a subject to post on.
Well, I've just watched Graham Chapman's funeral on Youtube. I mean, I've known he was dead for a while. (I've only just been introduced to Python). But anyway, I saw that I could watch a bit of the funeral in the related videos... so I did, despite the fact that I knew it would be sad to watch. It made me weep (which I anticipated), and even though it did, I want a funeral like that. I want it lighthearted and cheerful. No moping or sappy speeches aloud. (And I'd rather have a Speaking than a real funeral, though) And "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" should be played, although I don't think many people would take that well. I haven't even seen life of Brian yet. The weird thing is that people say it's sacrilegious...but the parts I've seen aren't. Jesus was in it, but his lines were directly from the Bible and He wasn't portrayed as weird or goofy. It was the mob that followed Him that were deranged and goofy. (blessed are the cheesemakers.....) In any case, as a Python fan (a Pythusianist according to Fiver), I want to see that movie.
But there's a bunch of movies I want to see that I'm not aloud to. The list is as follows:

1. Life of Brian (because I really like Python)
2. Sweeney Todd (I've heard bits of the soundtrack, and it sounds great)
3. The Meaning of Life (More Python)
4. The Terminator (Because I enjoy a good action flick)
5. Cloverfield (It sounds really interesting)

I'm sure there are others, but I can't remember them at this point in time. I'm forgetful like that.
And I suppose you've all seen this. I love the video version. I'm addicted to it. But I get weirdly obsessed with things. Like The Lumberjack Song. It's just so random. But then Python generally is... and this post is pretty random too. It's probably the randomest post I've been in. Should I stop?

Yes.

Goodbye.

New blog

2008-05-09T06:32:00.000-07:00

Check out my profile. I got a new blog-thing. Enjoy.

Crying?

2008-05-02T08:42:00.000-07:00

So you're in your room, reading. It's past your bedtime, and Mom comes in to tell you to turn of the Phantom of the Opera soundrack and go to sleep.
"Awwww," you whine, "I'm almost done with this book,"
"You can finish it, just turn of the music," she leaves, and in about a half-hour you finish the book, only to realize you're crying uncontrolably for several minutes after the book is finished.
(This was of course NOT taken from real life. It did NOT happen to me Wensday night when finishing Phantom of the Opera. Poor, unhappy Erik. *snifflesob*)
Why is it that something fictional can bring us to tears? It didn't happen, so why should we care? Why can a fiction character become so envolved in your mind and heart that it brings you to tears? I don't like to cry, and rarely do. And when I do cry over a book, it's usually nothing more than sniffling a little. Usually. Until Wensday night, I had not really wept over a book for years. But the author somehow inspires you to love and pity poor Erik (who is Phantom). The movie didn't make me cry. But the book.....Ack. Just thinking about it makes me well up.

Anyway: a reading assignment for you all:
Read Phantom of the Opera. It's very different from the movie, but it's very good. And if you're the type who often cries over books, keep kleenex handy. You'll probably need it.

Funny.

2008-04-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

Below is the funniest video I've seen in a while. It's Mystery Science Theater. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UV4GsIe7Kvw

Funny, right? Although I'm sure you noticed some language and crude humor. I've never understood that. What makes a word "bad". Why invent a word that I'm not aloud to say? Why make a word that's offensive? Here, they're used humorously, and I admit I nearly fell over laughing when Servo says: "Do you? Do you!? Better say yes, Dammit!"
And why do we find crudeness funny? I mean, sometimes it is, but it really shouldn't be, but that's what we laugh at. Although this video is mild compared to what's on TV now, and it did make me snicker hysterically. It seems I've heard so many bad words and crudities in books and movies, it no longer bothers me.

Hmm, I never thought that MST3K could actually make a dencent blog post, eh?

This is hilarious

2008-03-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

Gotta love Jars of Clay. This made me laugh hysterically.

Wait and Hope

2008-02-14T12:37:00.000-08:00

I just re-read "The Count of Monte Cristo" the other day, and now I'm reading it for a third time. The very first time I read it, I missed the whole book because I was moving, so I was rushing around packing and stuff and didn't really pay much attention. It is awesome, and now my new favorite book. You all HAVE to read it.
It's awsomely complicated. There's at least twenty different characters, all pivitol to the plot. I read the version that was "translated and abridged by Lowell Bair". It's still 531 pages long, with really tiny print. I love that bok...

Cast of Characters

2008-01-31T10:18:00.000-08:00

I've decided to make a list of the people who have commented more than once, or comment semi-regularly on my blog, so when you read the comments, you have background info. If you forget who someone is, just read this.

Katie Kazoo: My BFF, who no longer blogs or posts, the buggerlover.

Nick Jones: Also known as Pastor Graff or Pastor Yoda. He's my weirdo Youth Pastor.

Seth: The evil liberal.

Jenny in CA: Some random homeschool Mom.

Mazer: a random person from Philoticweb.

Bevebumble: my crazy aunt.

Boringness

2007-12-17T07:35:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm posting now. Because I'm bored. And sort of hungry.. *yawn*. I can't wait until Christmas, even though I have no idea what to get my parents because I dont' have any money and dad doesn't have any chores he needs me to do, and I just don't know. GRoWl, n' Good Gravy.

"Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit...." No, I do not like that song. Yes, it is stuck in my head. Good gravy.

Random Weirdness

2007-12-13T07:38:00.001-08:00

Ok, Good gravy. First of all, I'm bored. And it's almost Christmas. So..GOOD GRAVY! Yeah. I haven't posted in ages. So I'm just letting y'all know I'm not dead. Yet.

So....I haven't been up to anything new. I'm just as cynical and weird as ever...but:

OHMYGRAVY! I hate the "Christmas Shoes" song. Have you ever heard anything so sappy in your life? Good GRAvy! It is the most annoying Christmas song ever written. Why the heck is he buying shoes if he's so freakin' poor? Momma's going to die, anyway. So yeah. I hate that song. It makes me want to puke.

Soo....Well, yeah. I want the Psycho Collectors addition DVD and Soundtrack for Christmas. That's all I want. I doubt I'll get it. Last year, I wanted the new Switchfoot CD. My little bro was the only one who paid attention and got it for me.

Whatever. I need to to my Geometry. And my Greek. But whatever, I don't want to, and it's going to snow. Which will be awesome.

YAWN

2007-11-15T06:51:00.000-08:00

So I'm just posting because I'm bored and don't want to do my schoolwork. So...yeah. I feel as if I've exaushted all the things to post about, but I'll come up with SOMEthing...maybe another top ten list of some sort...ok:

Ten fiction books you HAVE to read before you die:

1. Ender's Game

2. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

3. The Hobbit

4. The Giver

5. Watership Down

6. Redwall

7. Frankenstien

8. The Lord of the Rings (all three)

9. Anything that Poe wrote

10. The book I'm going to write and publish....well, first I have to FINISH it....

I feel OLD

2007-11-14T08:53:00.001-08:00

When browsing through my music catalouge, I found a CD by the band Petra. It's my dad's, I think. Anywho, I obviously HAD to listen to it.....Petra rules, yo.
Well, I listened to it....and I liked it....and now I feel old because Petra has been around for ages....Why am I so attracted to OLD people's music?

New title....

2007-11-13T13:14:00.000-08:00

So I changed the title for the third time....Is it any better than the other one? Should I change it back...whatever. ANYwho, Rear Window is on tonight, and I'm going to watch it. Which will be cool. In other news....there is no other news. I'm reading "The Worthing Saga", which keeps me from being bored.....Orson Scott Card RULES!!!

Love.....or not love.

2007-10-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

It’s always bugged me the way no-one talks to each other at youth group. I went to my friend’s youth group on Sunday, and No-one talked to me except friends of my friend. Not even the adults. If people are supposed to know we are Christians by our love….then I’d say we’re in trouble. How are we supposed to love others when we can’t even love each other…? It’s kinda frustrating.

PIRATE NICKYKINZ!!

2007-10-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

Hello, there, Blogees. I'm going to post a story my BFF Katie and I wrote, chapter by chapter. So here goes:

Pirate Nickykinz and Sir Katelyninnian:
The Epic Legend
by Fuzface and Katie

Part 1

Chapter 1: Fire 'n Brimstone 'n Gravy!
“Land ahoy!” Pirate Nickykinz was atop the crow's nest, and he had just spotted the tiny island of Hawaii. The way he could tell it was Hawaii was because he could not only see the Hawaiians surfing, but he could also see the volcanoes erupting; and especially most of all he could see the world renowned gift shop, Tiki-Tara's-Tons-Of-Terrible-Things-Stand.
“Well Good Gravy,” Captain Darth Petra screeched. “If it isn't the cutesy li'l island of Hawaii! Let’s DESTROY IT with fire 'n brimstone 'n gravy.”
As Pirate Nickykinz climbed down from the crow's nest, Pirate Sir Katelyninnian pulled him to the side.
“I don’t want to destroy Hawaii,” said Sir Katelyninnian.
“Me neither,” Nickykinz shook his head, “I want to destroy Tokyo. Why doesn’t Cap’n Petra ever listen to OUR wants?”
“Because she’s a lardaceous turd,” whispered Sir Katelyninnian.
“I HEARD THAT!!” Captain D. Petra roared. She pulled out her black light saber and pointed it at Sir Katelyninnian’s neck.
“Wamaknahahahahaha 'n Good Gravy,” she laughed maniacally, then she whirled around and pressed the “launch” button on her MD Device (Mass Destruction device). Hawaii erupted in fire 'n brimstone 'n gravy and Cap’n Petra roared with laughter again.
“C’mon, me crew, let’s go destroy Jupiter!” Captain Petra pressed the “Launch Ship” button, and soon the S.S. Bean was soaring through hyperspace. Pirate Nickykinz sighed in exasperation. He wanted to tell the captain that she was too bossy and that she used her catchphrase “Good Gravy” waaay too often; but he was a major chicken and didn't even want to know what would happen if Petra got mad.
24 hours later, they arrived at the Jupiter loading dock. After bathroom breaks (there was no toilet on board), Captain Darth Petra, Pirate Sir Katelyninnian, Pirate Nickykinz, comrades Pirate Prunella Penelope, Pirate Douglas Samsonite, and Pirate Pegleg grabbed a quick snack at the local Jupiter McFried Aliengutz.
Petra quickly made a flammable bomb out of the greasy Aliengut nuggets, and left it to explode on Jupiter. Soon, they were racing through hyperspace once again. Pirate Nickykinz was feeling queasy, and wished he hadn’t eaten 20 extra-crispy 'n greasy style Alien Loins. Now, he was barfing over the edge of the ship.
“Ye’ll be cleanin’ that up, Nickykinz;” shouted Captain Petra, “I jus’ washed 'n waxed it, ye barfer!” This last remark sent Pirate Nickykinz over the edge, (thankfully, not the edge of the ship!) and he dove at the captain, wrestling and screaming terrible pirate phrases, such as “You scallywag you,” “Why I oughta,” but mostly “No good son of a landlubber,” and “How'd you ever get into the piratin' business I'll never know!” He ended up with a black eye, a sprained left ankle and a bloody nose, but the captain was much worse off. One of her eyes was poked out and rolling along the deck, her neck was broken, and she was unable to walk.

Alfred Hitchcock

2007-10-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

"I’m frightened of eggs, worse than frightened, they revolt me. That white round thing without any holes … have you ever seen anything more revolting than an egg yolk breaking and spilling its yellow liquid? Blood is jolly, red. But egg yolk is yellow, revolting. I’ve never tasted it." - Alfred Hitchcock

Hehe, I thought that quote was funny, seeing as he makes movies like Psycho. Yes, I've seen it. I've seen: Vertigo, The Birds, Marnie, The Man who Knew to Much, and Psycho. In order of how I like them:
Psycho (Norman Bates is kinda cute and it's got such a twisted plot I can't help but love it!)

Vertigo (Nice twist at the end. I really didn't see it comming)

The Birds (Everyone loves mindless violence)

The Man who Knew to Much (Mostly cheerful with a happy ending)

Marnie (a tad sappy, and the James Bond dude is creepy, but it has a cool twist, so it was good)

Now I just need to see more movies.....and read Psycho the book.

Bean....

2007-10-01T12:14:00.000-07:00

Bean: the movie is probably the stupidist movie I have ever seen. Even so, I found this clip incredibly funny.

Whatever....

2007-09-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

I'm going to my BFF Katie's house today!!! YAY ME!!!!!!!

An Essay I wrote a while ago.

2007-09-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

I recently stumbled across this essay I wrote, and thought it was one of my better essays. So I'm posting it.

I have been asked to jot down my thoughts on life. Well, dear reader, I want you to know that it is nearly impossible to write down every thought about life I’ve ever had for three reasons; it would take to long; not everything I think is worth writing; and life changes so much and so my thoughts change depending on my mood. That said, I hope that you’ll excuse the somewhat wandering random approach I took with this essay.
As stated above my thoughts on life are ever-changing. Sometimes I think life is great and other times not so much. When I’m happy, life is great, when I’m not happy it isn’t. It’s as simple as that. I think that nothing can be assumed about life. For instance, I could assume that life is pleasant, but someone else could think that it’s rotten.
Life goes by too quickly, and yet it feels like it drags on forever. As an example, it feels as if I have lived here for years, but I have only been here for a few months. Likewise, a week can feel like a month. But then when you are dreading something, it comes up to quickly. When you are waiting for something, it seems to take forever to get there.
Life isn’t easy either. I’m not complaining and saying that it’s unbearable, just not easy. Half the time I’m either bored or apathetic. Some of the time I’m lonely. It’s strange that when I was young the biggest problem I had was not having a dog or some such trivial thing.
The problems I had when I was a young child are either resolved or forgotten. Things change little by little until you realize that you’re not the person you used to be. In some unexplainable way, you’ve changed. A lot of what mattered to me when I was six doesn’t matter any more. When I’m in college, some of the things that matter now won’t matter at all. My hopes, my thoughts, my dreams all change. Everything eventually changes.
Nothing in life is permanent. Eventually, everything will pass away. Things and people get older and wither down to nothing. Every moment that has passed is a moment that you can’t get back. The world keeps on spinning on and before you know it, you’ve grown up.
The future is a mystery. You can say that “Tomorrow I’ll do this,” but who knows what will happen tomorrow? Something drastic could happen that will change your life forever. You don’t even know if you will live tomorrow. That is up to God. We should learn to be content with today because who knows what will happen tomorrow, or even if there will be a tomorrow.
Even though this essay is about life, I think that I will touch on my thoughts about death too because death is a part of life. You are born, you live for a few years and then you die. And I need to make this paper at least a page long. So here goes.
The thought of death is somewhat frightening because nobody really knows what happens when you die. Yes if you are a Christian you go to heaven, but what really happens. Does the world go black? Can you feel your body shutting down? These are things that we will never know until we die.
I wish that I knew what exactly happens. I guess that’s part of life. Not knowing what happens next. It is not an altogether pleasant thought, but it does give one something to think about.
It is impossible, dear reader, to write an essay about life without at least mentioning God. So I will devote a few paragraphs to my thoughts on Him. I could go on and on, but not to bore you I will cut down my thoughts to about three paragraphs. This one doesn’t count.
God is Big. This, I know is the understatement of the year. Maybe it would be better to say that God is Titanic. I could come up with several synonyms for “Big”, but I’m getting off the subject. Think of it this way. God created time, so he exists outside of any sort of time frame. This means he is bigger than forever because he created forever. But that’s impossible because there is nothing bigger than eternity. So all this, I guess, to say that God is too Big and too Awesome to describe how big he really is.
God is the Creator. Take a look around you. Look at the trees, the animals the people. Everything is so complex and involved. Everything is so perfectly put together. Our planet Earth is in the exact position it needs to be for our survival. The chances of that happening out of chance are not high. If then, we are not some freak accident of nature, we must have been created.
God Loves us. I don’t know why but he does. He certainly doesn’t have to. And yet somehow He does. No matter how rotten you may be, God still loves you. He sent Jesus, His Son, who is also God to die for you. So God loves us enough to die for us. This is totally crazy because He is the God of the universe. It’s mind-blowing that He loves puny mortals like us.
So that’s it. My thoughts on life, death and an awesome God. I hope you liked it and I hope it didn’t bore you, and I hope you were able to follow it. There is more and maybe I’ll write it down sometime and maybe I won’t. This short essay was merely a glimpse into my confusing and sometimes confused heart. I know I hopped around a lot of subject to subject, and I hope you didn’t mind. My thoughts are usually muddled and scatterbrained so this essay was more organized than my thoughts usually are. Thank you, dear reading for listening.

It's been a while.

2007-09-11T12:19:00.000-07:00

I haven't been on in ages. I've been sort of busy...and I sort of forgot about it, but now I'm back. There isn't much to say.....I just got back to school, and got a 93 on my first biology test! YAy me!
Actully, we got a foster kid. We'll call him Alai (my paranoia of giving away personal info is comming through again). Alai thinks I need a boyfriend.
Today is September elventh....so I suppose I should talk a bit about that. Well, I was in third grade when it happend. I didn't care. I mean, Good Gravy, I was a little kid. What does a third grader (or a fifteen year old for that matter) know about terrorism and death? I don't know anything about war. I dont' know anything about what happened on 9/11 really. I mean, I know the basics...I know what happened, but it didn't affect me at all then, and because I didn't care then, I don't really care now. I know it sounds heartless, and I wish I did have compassion. I didn't cry then, so I don't cry now...It's really quite maddning, and I wish I could grasp the tragedy, but being young and immature, I can't. Maybe some day I will be able to, or maybe having grown up in a world like this one, I'll be immune to compassion and hardened to tragedy. I hope I can change, and maybe I will....someday.

Good Gravy, a post about NOTHING!!!

2007-07-27T06:35:00.001-07:00

I feel like I'm due for a long post, but really there isn't much to say right now. The things I'm thinking about are too wide spread to organize them into a post, so I'll list them as follows:

1. Jonestown and the Purple Koolaid.

2. Cults in general.

3. death and mass destruction.

4. how tired and hungry I am.

5. my fencing class at 11:15.

6. The new Harry Potter book. (which I haven't finished because Dad's reading it out loud and I want to read it myself but I can't because he won't let me and he said the only way I get to read it is if I read it with him)

7. Xeoncide (it's another book).

8. which book should I bring to my mom's doctor's apointment.

9 Vacation Bible school..

I will make a full post on at least one of these things....so leave a comment telling me which one you want to hear about, and the one with the most comments wins.

Thank God.....

2007-07-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

My passport finnaly came in. That is a really, really, really good thing. This is one of those times where I wish that God had a tangleble body so I could give him a hug....

Katie.......

2007-07-16T06:02:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm going to my friend Katie's house. I haven't seen her since April. It feels like alot longer than three months. Seeing a friend after you've been away from them for a while is kind of akward...I never know what to say or do. No matter how well you kept in touch, it's like meeting a stranger. At least, it is at first. I usally follow the other person's lead....meaning that if he/she hugs me, then I hug back, but if he/she doesn't, then I don't. But, anyhow, I'm going to be there for five days.....I'll post more then....maybe.

¡¡¡ʇo1d 1ıʌǝ ʎɯ

2007-07-05T05:50:00.000-07:00

1ɯʇɥ.dı1ɟ/ɯoɔ.pɐɟʌǝɹ.ʍʍʍ//:dʇʇɥ:ʇxǝʇ pǝddı1ɟ ɹoɟ ʞuı1 ǝɥʇ sǝɹǝɥ¿ou 'ʇǝǝʍs ʎʇʇǝɹd ¡p1ɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ɹǝʌo ǝʞɐʇ uɐɔ ı 'sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ oʇ buıʎɹʇ puɐ pǝsnɟuoɔ ǝɹ,noʎ ǝ1ıɥʍ ¡¡¡ʇı pɐǝɹ oʇ pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ uo puɐʇs oʇ ǝʌɐɥ p,noʎ puɐ 'sıɥʇ ǝʞı1 ʇsod buo1 ǝ1oɥʍ ɐ ǝʇıɹʍ p1noɔ ı ¿ʇɐǝɹb ʇı ʇ,usı

More Randomness

2007-06-27T04:35:00.000-07:00

I got on the computer at seven. It is now 7:36 AM. I have been listening to the same song since I logged on. The song is "Dead Man (carry me)". It is a Jars of Clay song. It's one of those addicting songs that whenever I hear it, I have to hear it again. "Vertigo" (U2), and "Gone" (switchfoot) are other songs like that.
My friend Amy is comming over today. She's one of my friends from before I moved here. So that'll be cool. Also.....

ON JULY 16'TH I'M STAYING AT KATIE'S HOUSE FOR A FEW DAYS!!!

Not that you care, but I'm excited.....

It's a Calvin and Hobbes thing...

2007-06-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, am a book freak. I'm not going to try to hide it, I love to read. To me, it's kind of like making friends...I grow to love the characters, and I feel like they're real people. It's weird how you can feel sympathy for someone who isn't real, how it can feel as if you know the chracter, as if he or she is real.
Take the Chronicles of Narnia for instance....ever since I was little, I've always tried to find a way into Narnia because I've never actully belived it was fiction. It's always seemed so real...I tried to talk about this with Fiver once, and he said, "No, it's fake"...but it's not really, at least, not to me. It's not that I belive that I can find a way into another world from my closet, but I don't belive it was 'fake'.
It's like how I pretended when I was a kid. The stories were real to me. It's a Calvin and Hobbes thing. To Calvin, Hobbes is a real, living creature. To everyone else, he's a stuffed animal, he's fake. I think that's what happens when I read. It's real enough for me and my overactive imagination.

Ramblings about nothing in particular

2007-06-21T04:03:00.000-07:00

Good Gravy, staring at an analog clock freaks me out. Why? Because it shows passing time. You watch seconds, minuets, and hours crawl away staring at that clock. Every second that slips away is a second I will never see again. Because you can't go back. That's why it's scary. I will never have another day that was like yesterday, and I can't revisit yesterday ever again. I can in memory, but it's not the same. It's vague and fuzzy. Most memories of last year are like that: vague and fuzzy. It's like, I can conjure up a picture of someone in my head, and here their voice, but it's different. It's like the person is far, far away.
Honestly, I miss everybody like heck. And it's sad knowing that I can't go back. And it's sad knowing that their are some people I will never see again. You can talk to someone over e-mail, or on the phone, but it's not the same as seeing that person face to face. You can have a deep conversation over e-mail, but there's no tone. You can't tell if the other person is being sarcastic, or if he is laughing his head of at something ridiculous you said, of if she's crying, or anything. It's a dumbed down way to communicate, but it's the best way, I guess.
Right now I'm listening to "Vertigo" (you know, the U2 song). I know all the words, but I don't really know what it's about. Weird, or may scary that I can know the words but not the meaning.
And speaking of music: I'm a Jars of Clay freak. But Fiver hates them. He takes their most serious, sad, deep songs, and sings them in a funny voice. Good Gravy on a stick, It drives me CRAZY! And there is no way to get back at him because no matter what I make fun of, he makes fun of something else. Example: I started making fun of Karate (his sport). Then he just started making fun of fencing (my sport). Whatever. I'll try not to let it bug me, but I think that's just another thing that is driving me to the brink of insanity.
I don't think teenagers were meant to be alone. It does things to us. Well, it seems to have done things to me. I mean, I've been cooped up alone for so long that I have like no social skills. I'm a hyperactive crazy girl who always hangs out with the Junior high boys. I'm immature, and I know it. Good Gravy, I'm fourteen. I'm supposed to be mature. But that's just one way I'm not like the stereotypical girl. I hate stereotypes, and I'm not what you would call stereotypical. I'm weird. That's all there is to it.
Some things just confuse me. Like: the whole "Free will vs Predestination" argument. If God knows the future, and has a plan for your life, isn't that Predestination? And doesn't that mean that everything in inevitable, and I'm just along for the ride? Which means that it was inevitable that I would have these thoughts and wondering and doubts. Why would He plan thoughts doubting His existence? Ah, this is way to deep for me. If you have any thoughts about this, comment.
I wish time would stop so I could sit down and sort things out, but of course, that doesn't happen. I'll just have to push along the everyone else.
Memories are strange things. It's weird how you can hold a picture of something in your head, and you can play it back almost exactly as it was. And it's weird how a memory can make even a cyinical and saracastic teenager like me feel sentimental. And I hate sentimentility.
If I had a choice: to be sick, or sad, I'd choose sick. Because sick only lasts for so long. You're miserable, but after it's over, and you're better, everything is ok. But if you're sad, it can last a long time, and afterwords, you're never the same, with the sad memory. Because it's still there. You can look upon a time where you were sick with distaste, but sad memories actully make you sad when you think about it. When you think about a time last year when you cried all night, it does something to you.
Hello, Hello, we're at a place called Vertigo....yes, I'm still listening to it.

Wow, this post is random. I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry.

A list. Of things. That bug me.

2007-06-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

I think I'm due for a long, serious post. I don't know what to post about, so I'll just make a list of ten things that bug me.

1. The prhase, "A good time was had by all". I don't know why that bothers me so much, but every time I hear it I cringe and say, "Good Gravy".

2. Phonies. I hate "Catcher in the Rye", but I agree with Holden about phony people. Fakey-nice people drive me nuts, because I can tell it's fake. Like when someone pretends to care about what you are talking about. I just hate that because you can tell that they are fake.

3. Movies and books with alot of hugging and crying. Not many authors can pull of crying. Seriously, many try, but few do it well. It seems to me that authors and movie makers like to harp on saying goodbye, but few of them pull it off well. What I mean is it turns sappy. I hate sentimentility. Anything that gives me the "Warm Fuzzies" I despise. In fiction, brutal violence is better than sappy sentimentility, and makes for a better plot. (diversion here: I may like violent movies, books, and video games [Star Wars Battle Front!!!], but honestly, I'm more sensitve than I let on and don't think real violence is all that great)

4. Maggots. Good GRavy, I HATE maggots. They are all slimy and wriggly, and white. Good Gravy on a stick, I HATE them.

5. Cartoons. The old ones are cool (I like Popeye), but the knew ones are so lame. Especailly Spongebob. He is really annoying, and there is too much potty humor. I mean, c'mon, why do kids shows think farting is funny? Whereas Bugs Bunny was foolish, he was funny. It's fun to see anvils dropped on funny talking animals, and then watch the get up and try again. But the modern cartoons are just stupid.

6. Sunburns. I have one. It's not bad, but it hurts when I move a certain way. It's a dull ache, so it doesnt hurt too much, but it hurts enough so that I know it's there.

7. The word "Exlaimed". I don't know why, but that word drives me nuts. Also, the phrase "huffy-puffy" drives me up a wall and makes me want to shriek when I hear it.

8. Those "Security" things they have on webisites. You know, when you have to type in the letters of the distorted letters. SOME PEOPLE HERE have it on so whenever you want to post a comment, you have to type in the stupid letters *cough*seth*cough*!!

9. They way some Christains get so upset about Harry Potter. Good Gravy, it' s fiction!!! It's not endorsing Witchcraft, and I'm no worse for the wear from reading it.

10. Negitive people.....

Stu/pid Keyb/oard

2007-06-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

Hello, faithful readers, if you exist, that is. Right now, I'm at my freind Tohru's house. Her keyboard is wicked stupid so when I hit the c\backspace key, I hit the "\" \. it's stupid. I am so hating her h\ computer right now. She's cool, but she needs a a\new keyboard, seriously. I mean, Good Gravy, every time I need to erase something I get a \....Good Gravy. Good Gravy on a stick. Anyhow, other than being here, today is so boring . I went to the bea\ch. I have a sunburn \. It hurts.
I read for hours, played on the cojm\puter, and got to level 3 on the land before time gameboy game. My life is so dull....
By the way, PASTOR NICK, WHY DO WE NOT HAVE BIBLE STUDY ON WEDNESDAY? W\HY??? I'm going to be so bored.....groanl\n...

Tohru, I hate your keyboard.....

Two jokes I've come across in my inernet travels....

2007-06-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

This one is from the Jars of Clay website:

There once lived a captain who sailed with a large crew. One day he saw three ships in the distance coming toward his ship. He turned to his first mate and said, “First Mate, get my red shirt.” The first mate did as he asked, and they went into battle. Shortly after this, they encountered more ships. The captain, once again, turned to his first mate and said, “First Mate, get my red shirt.” The first mate did as the captain asked once again, and asked his captain, “Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?” The captain replied, “Well, First Mate, I ask you for my red shirt so that if I might get wounded in battle, my crew wouldn’t see my blood and be discouraged from their fighting.” Shortly after they won this battle, the captain saw thirty-trillion ships in the distance. (You have to be experienced to be able to count thirty-trillion ships at one time.)The captain turned to his first mate and said, “First Mate, go get my brown pants.”

Hahaha. Now, this one I found on some chat room...

Two boys were walking in the woods. They came across a pile of rabbit poop. Now, one of the boys wasn't to bright, so he asked the other boy,
"Bill, what's that stuff". Bill laughed and said,
"They're smart pills, Johnny, they make you smarter" Johnny looked skeptical,
"It looks like poop," he said.
"Why don't you eat it and find out?" asked Bill.
So Johnny took a mouthful. His face screwed up and disgust and he spat it out.
"Ewww! Those aren't smart pills!"
"Yes they are," said Bill, "Aren't you smarter now?"

That's all I've got...

Good Gravy! (and Good Monsters)

2007-06-14T10:25:00.000-07:00

Check out this crazy review I found of "Good Monsters" (Jars of Clay CD) on Amazon....my comments are in red.

I have been the biggest Jars of Clay fan, so it took no time for me to get this album. I was shocked at a few things... 1. The album is downright suicidal. The first song is unquestionably about someone considering killing themselves, and no solution is presented except going through with it. (Work? Really? Are we talking about the same song here? You must have been half asleep when you heard it.) The songs go on and on down this road saying that life is so bad and the afterlife is the reward that waits after death. (What’s wrong with that? Life does stink sometimes. They were being honest) I feel like writing a letter to Hasseltine (guess what genius? You spelled his name wrong!) to stop him from suicide.
2. The only explicit use of God's name in the album is in a song that is very close to taking it in vain "oh my God." (The book of Ruth doesnt mention God…should it be taken out of the Bible? And what about the song “All my tears”…it says, “When I go, don’t cry for me, in my Father’s arms I’ll be….who else would “father” be but God?) In fact, in the CCM magazine article, the artists say that's the intent. Blasphemy comes to mind. (Did you even listen to the song? I must find the mag and read the article. I’ll bet this is a misquote)
3. Jars of Clay ashamed of Christ? In the CCM magazine article, the writing member of the band basically says the band doesn't like being a spokesman for Christianity and feels pressured to be in that crowd. (I wouldn’t want to be the spokesman for Christianity either...) Why are they using the Christian market to push their stuff then? Further, why is the Christian market pushing this band that doesn't share their values or want to be recognized for Christianity? (That isn’t what he said, doofus! Your misquoting yourself)It shames me that I've been such a fan in the past. (And I'm ashamed I once shared the title of "fan" with you) I guess they just are really good at looking like a Christian band, even if they are not. (What about “Dead man”? That’s obviously Christian. And again, “All my Tears”) It seems it is time Christians give Jars of Clay what they want. We should ignore them and let them market themselves as secular and see how far they get. (Ignore Jars? I couldn't. *clings tightly to Dan Hasletine*)

I ommited this fellows name, so as not to cause him embarrassment. Good gravy, what a Pshyco...

Ukraine

2007-06-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

This summer, I Fuzface am going to Kiev, Ukraine. I can't wait, so I'll talk about it here. I'm going to help teach kids my age English at a camp. I just got my binder that has all the stuff I need, like the lessons, the skits, all that fun stuff. I have to memorize the "four spiritual laws", which shouldn't take long. I can memorize a Jars of Clay CD in four days.
Everyone tells me this trip will change my life. One friend gave me this advice,
"While you're there, keep your eyes open, your ears open, and your heart open. Don't read books from home, don't listen to music, don't even sleep, you can sleep when you get home," He meant, obviously, for me to concentrate all my energy on what I'm doing there, and not be distracted by anything. I'm totally hyped up, and a little nervous (I've never been out of country before) but I have until August to worry about that. I was told to keep a journal, but I don't have that kind of discipline. I'll try, though.
The worst part so far isn't the long meetings after church. I think it is the worrying about the money part. We're behind this year, and we're only at 40% as a group. As an individual, I'm at 68%....which is good. I sent out a bunch of letters, and I'm supposed to make followup calls, which isn't going to happen. I hate interacting with people, and I hate asking people for money....Good Gravy! I guess all I can do is send out the letters, and pray like heck we raise the support we need....

GOOD GRAVY

2007-06-11T15:16:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface was tired of the blog's title, so I changed it. If you are Katie, you'll understand the title.
Good Gravy is my catch phrase, but Mom doesn't like it. She says, "You don't like gravy, so why should you say 'good gravy' ".
and then I was like, "Well, it's not very common. I want to be different."
Then she said, "Where the heck did 'good gravy' come from anyways?"
So I'm like, "Good Gravy" (not out loud, though)
I honestly have no idea. I think Strong bad says it. Anyhow, Fiver claims he heard Pastor Nick say "Good Gravy"...if Fiver isn't lying, I'm sorry I stole your catch prhase Pastor Nick......

Movies, Christian, that is.

2007-06-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, am annoyed at the lack of Christian movies. Good ones, I mean. As long as I can remember, I have gone to the Christian Film Festival every year. That is a bunch of Christian movies played for free. It's a cool idea, but most movies are lame. Take "Facing the Giants" for instance. Lots of people liked that movie, but I thought it was horrendously sappy. I laughed at the sad parts where both actors were having an emotional breakdown on screen. Viewers get clubbed over the head with the Bible over and over, and that's not a good thing. Good Gravy, I hate that movie.
But there are two (2) good movies, Christian, that is. My all time favorite movie is Luther (the one made in '03). I have seen it at least 5 times. It's about Martin Luther (the monk). The acting is good, and the plot is interesting. Weirdly enough, the actor who play Luther reminds me of Pastor Nick, even though there isn't much resemblance at all...
The other movie is "The End of the Spear". It's about Jim Elliot, a missionary who died in Ecuador (he's one of my heroes remind me to post on him sometime). The acting in this movie is good too, and it's one of the only movies that has ever put me close to tears.

So there you have it. The only two Christian movies I like. If I find more, I'll post on it.

Hugging

2007-06-08T03:55:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface wonder what it would be like to randomly walk up and hug someone. I mean, like if I was in the mall (not that I ever go there) or something. It has just occurred to me how weird hugging is anyway. It's probably the claustrophobic's nightmare. But what exactly is the point of hugging? It seems to me to be a pointless operation. I've read it relieves stress, but I'm not sure how true that is.
I hate it when I have to hug little known relatives. At every family reunion, I think "Please don't hug me"...naturally, I don't say it out loud, but, I'm hoping for mental telepathy.
It always is awkward when you see a friend you haven't seen in ages. I always wonder....am I supposed to hug him/her or not? I typically wait for her/him to make the first move, that would be, hug me and I'd hug back, or say "Give me a hug"...or something. But the phrase "Give me a hug" sounds like an order, like "Hug me, or I'll kill you"...
And then there are the friends I see all the time....am I supposed to hug them? Good Gravy! I thought hugging was supposed to be relaxing.....or something.

Jars of Clay and Depressing Songs

2007-06-07T04:23:00.000-07:00

Oh my God,
look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"
Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries
Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say
Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces lighter
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense
Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God

It's a really sad Jars of Clay song (it's called "Oh my God") that I, Fuzface, like. And why do I like it? I guess because it's honest....you have to hear the lead singer's voice on this one. It sounds...desperate. The whole song is about:
1. How much trouble there is in the world.
2. How badly bent we all are, and are making worse..
3. The begining of the song starts out as a cry out to God about all the greif and suffering.
4. There is a line that talks about doubting if Jesus really rose again (Turn a phrase, and rise again, or fake your death, and only tell your closest freind).
But that's why it's a cool song. I don't believe that all songs should be happy...that wouldn't be honest. I'm not saying that depressing songs should be the only songs, I'm just saying they need to be sung.

Katie....my best buddy

2007-06-06T04:38:00.000-07:00

My best friend Katie Kaz00 just started a blog. Anyway it's really cool. Well, it will be when she writes more of it. Haha. Now go, foul fiends and check out her wicked awesome blog!!!! Yeah, she's cool. And she's crazy (but not as crazy as I am). This sentence is a run on sentence and if you click on this sentence it will bring you to her blog because she is wicked awesome and you have to go there or else something really bad will happen and I will have nothing to do with it but the page is cursed so if you don't go there your fingers will be stuck to the keyboard for eternity and you will be accused of hogging the computer even though you can't leave and everyone will hate you and your family will be poor because the electricity bill will be high and it will be your fault. I love hyperlinks.
So here's the link incase all those don't work.

http://katiekazo0scompletelyrandomstuffs.blogspot.com/

Luke, I am your Father...

2007-06-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, am a fan of Star Wars. My favorite character is, naturally, Darth Vader. As you probably know, the famous "Luke, I'm your dad", line appears at the end of "The Emperor Strikes Back". And, as you know, Luke screams "Nooooo.....", with tears streaming down his face, and lets go of the ledge. But what would you expect? I mean, seriously, the dude just tried to kill him, and in the previous movie, he had killed Ben. This is how Darthie should have broken it to Luke, and this is how it would have played out.

Disclaimer: the following narrative is pure goofiness and should not be read by him or her who takes Star Wars very seriously.

Darthie: the True, Untold Story

"Lord Vader, you seemed troubled," the emperor placed a hand on his hulking apprentice's shoulder.
"I am, my Lord" Vader stared out the large picture window of his ship. From where he was, he could see the Death Star II being constructed. He turned to face Darth Sidious.
"I am thinking of my son, Luke. He was so close yesterday," Vader's voice broke, "And I didn't even get to say 'hi'," Darthie hoped he wouldn't cry and short-circuit himself again. Emperor Sidious patted him on the back sympathetically.
"It's just so hard," sniffled Lord Vader pathetically. "I've felt my son's presence, but I couldn't speak to him. Bzttttzz," Sidious groaned in annoyance as Darthie froze up. He had short-circuited himself by crying. This was the third time Darthie had done this, and the fourth suit he had ruined (the first time Vader had tried to take a bath).
“Medic,” The emperor spoke into a walky-talky. “Lord Vader blew a fuse,”
“Yes, sir,” the metallic-sounding voice of a droid answered him. Soon, Darthie was in the medical capsule, having his mechanical arms, legs, and breathing apparatus replaced.
In no time at all, Vader was up and walking. He returned with the emperor to the chamber with the window. For a while neither of them spoke, but stared out the window.
“I am sorry about that, my Lord,”
“Don’t be. Now, about your son, I have a plan,”
“Yes, my lord?” Vader asked eagerly.
“Take him out to dinner,” said the emperor, “How about that nice little cantina on Tatooine,”
“I was born on Tatooine!” interrupted Darthie excitedly. “Oh, I get so sentimental when I think about it: the pod races, the blazing hot twin suns, the sand castles, the hours of servitude, murdering sand people, it will be like old times,” After Vader was finished with this sentimental speech, the emperor continued.
“As I was saying, take him to the Mos Eisley cantina. Buy him a Bantha burger and a shake. Then, over a sundae, gently break the news to him that you are his father. While you are saying this, smile gently, even though he can’t see your mouth. And say this in an understanding, gentle voice; even though your automated voice box is incapable of showing emotion…just do your best,”
“What a great plan! Thank you, my lord,” Darthie threw his arms around the emperor and held him tightly in a rib-crushing-choke-the-breath-out-of-you hug. Darth Sidious hugged him back awkwardly, whishing that Vader wouldn’t insist on hugging him. Good Gravy, he was and evil Sith Lord. Sith lords didn’t hug. When he finally broke free from Vader’s death grip, the look on Vader’s face melted his heart….well; it would have if Sidious could have seen Vader’s face.
Anyhow, Vader got a message to Luke via the Sith mailing co, “Delivery Universal iNter Galactic”. “DUNG” for short.
Luke agreed to meet at Mos Eisley, on the condition that Vader would show up unarmed. Darthie agreed, and the date was set.
In his transport, Vader was so excited that he couldn’t sit still. He couldn’t wait to see his son. He hoped Luke would accept him as his father, and that Luke would learn to love him. As Darthie’s head filled with happy thoughts of him and his son, on fishing trips, on Bantha hunts, raiding the Tusken Raiders, he smiled happily, so wrapped up in his daydream that he missed his exit.
An hour or so later, Vader pulled up at the Mos Eisley Cantina.
“This has been here since I was a kid!” he exclaimed excitedly, clapping his gloved and mechanical hands. Vader hopped out of his ship and rushed inside the cantina, where Luke was sitting impatiently at a table.
“Dude, you’re late,” he grumped.
“Sorry I’m late, Luke. I missed my exit,” Darthie sat down next to Luke. Soon a fat Gungan came to take their order.
“What can messa get for yousa Ahh!” the creature screamed in terror as he laid eyes on Lord Vader.
“Jar-jar Binks?” asked Vader, hardly daring to believe it.
“Aaaah! Yousa knows my name!” Vader’s eyes filled with tears at the sight of his old friend, but he managed not to start crying.
“Yes, Jarius, I know you. Now get us two Bantha burgers, and two milkshakes. Luke, do you want chocolate, or vanilla?” Luke ordered vanilla, and Vader ordered chocolate. Jar-jar waddled away to put the order in.
“Why do you want me here, Vader?” asked Luke.
“Please call me Darthie,”
“OK, why did you want, Darthie?”
“I just wanted to get to know you, and to apologize for what happened last week,”
“Oh?”
“I’m sorry about what happened with Obi-wan. He was once a very good friend of mine,” here Darthie had to stop talking to gain control of himself. “I’m so sorry,” Just then, the Bantha burgers were served and they started eating. And it was just about then that Vader realized that he couldn’t eat because of his mask. He watched Luke eat longingly. Throughout the meal, they made small talk about the weather on Naboo and the doings of wookies. Soon Jar-jar came by, asking them, quite nervously, if they wanted dessert. Vader ordered Luke a sundae.
“Luke,” started Darthie. “I want to tell you something. You see,” Vader fought for the right words. “I wasn’t always the way I am now. I was once a Jedi, and I had a beautiful wife. It was against the Jedi code, but I married her anyway. No one knew,” Vader took a deep breath. “Soon I found out we were having a baby, but that’s where I went wrong. I was fooled into turning to the dark side. I never got to see my child,” Darthie’s voice broke. “That baby was you, Luke. I know this is hard for you to except, but I would like for you to call me ‘dad’,” Vader could feel the tears run down his cheeks, and he hoped that he wouldn’t freeze up again.
Luke looked at his father. He could sense his discomfort, so he laid a hand on Vader’s shoulder.
“Ok, Dad,” Vader leaned forward and hugged his son. Luke was surprised, but hugged back, causing everyone in the cantina to say,
“Awwww,” Darthie was bawling now, and hugged his son tighter. The moment ended however, when Luke passed out from having the breath squeezed out of him by Vader’s power-hug.
“Oops. I hate it when this happens,” he muttered. Luke revived soon enough, and he seemed no worse for the wear. Vader hugged him again, more gently this time, and as the tears began to fall again, he managed to squeak out before he was short-circuited again;
“I love you son bzttttzz,”

Yes, I know it's long. You didn't have to read it.

doubting

2007-06-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, am back. I don't think this post will be as long as yesterday's, but we'll see. Lately, my mind has been full, and I need somewhere to spew it all out. Here is a good place to do that.
I have been thinking about my faith lately....namely my doubts, which is something I try to push to the back burner and not think about. No one likes to doubt. It makes me feel insecure. I guess I kinda am.
When I was little, my faith came from Mom and Dad. I listened and believed what they told me without question. I never thought about what they told me, but accepted it as fact. Now that I'm older, I have to formulate my own beliefs. Which is based on, "What makes the most sense?" But, to me Evolution makes less sense than Creation does...but there are a lot of things that confuse me about God. So I'll talk about them here.
God, being who He is, knew that we would screw up and sin. He knew that the punishment for sin is death. Then why did He create us with a free will to sin? If He loves us, why didn't he stomp out Satan? Or put the tree where Adam and Eve couldn't get at it or something! When Satan first rebelled, why didn't God squish him and why did he bother creating him if he knew that Satan would go rotten and become Satan? Why does God call Himself a "jealous God" when Jealousy is a sin? Isn't one of the commandments not to covet (that would be jealousy)? And why did God just wipe cities off the map because of the evil people? If I blew up an evil city, it would be considered a sin. Why did God create sin? Isn't he the Creator of all things? Then why would He create that which would doom us? Why the heck does He even care about each person? There are millions of people on this earth. How can He know us all by name? Why is there only one disciple that is known as "the one that Jesus loved". If Jesus is God, doesn't He love everyone? Isn't that favoritism, which is forbidden? Which would be a sin, which would mean Jesus isn't God...which would mean that the New Testament was lying...and if the Bible really is the word of God, that would mean God is lying, which would mean He isn't God because God can't sin. Which means everything I'm living for is false. I hope that's not true. I want to have faith. I want to believe in God, and I want to be a Christian. It got real hard all of a sudden. But it was bound to happen eventually. Why am I agonizing so much over this? Why does it seem like all my friends don't seem to have these deep doubts, that if true, would shake and destroy their world. Why do pastors and teachers and my parents seem to have it all together? I can't be the only one who has it like this! I know I shouldn't be skeptical, but I am! I don't know what to believe or what I believe. Why does everyone seem to be a perfect Christian, and I'm stuck wondering what is real and what is not! I don't even know if I believe in God anymore. I want to, but it seems so hard to believe. Sometimes I feel so empty that I feel there can't be a God, and other times, I'm so full and happy and all that crap that I know there must be a God. Sometimes the Bible just seems so fake and unrealistic. Like Revelation. I can't make myself believe all that stuff happens in the future. It just seem so far and distant. When I started this year, I wanted to be a Missionary. I wanted to be a martyr. I really did....but now I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am...or who I want to be? What the heck is wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking like this! Why do I feel so trapped in a Christian box? Why do I feel sheltered? What can I do about my unbelief? Why do I want to rebel against what I have held so close for so long? Why do I want to reject God? I know as a Christian, I should have joy, but I ain't feeling joyful. I don't pay attention in church any more. I don't even try, and when I do, I get nothing out of it. It shouldn't be that way. I should want to. It makes me mad whenever I read or hear about a "strong Christian", you know, the type that takes notes during the sermon, helps in the nursery, always quotes Bible verses...because I know that I should be like that, but I'm not even close. Why am I so badly bent? I feel so helpless, I'm trying to get a grip on myself, but I'm sinking fast. What happened to my fast foothold? If Jesus is the rock, I feel like I'm just barely holding on, and if I let go I'll be swept up by the current and carried away. Does anyone understand? Are there other Cristians like me? I know there must be. Why doesn't someone preach a sermon on how to settle these nagging doubts? I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and praying makes it worse. I feel like I'm talking to no one. Why can't I feel God's touch any more? I feel like I'd do anything just to know that God is really there, and that he cares. Why does everything about my faith seem to fall apart? Why can't I get a grip, swallow my doubts, and get on with my life? Why doesn't it work that way? Whenever the salvation message is preached, they never mention this. Ah, crud, I'm babbling again. Nothing makes sense. I wish I could talk to God. I really do, but I feel so distant...I feel so false.
My faith is anything but steadfast right now.
Crap, this was longer than I expected. I'd wrap things up, but I can't. I can't sumerize this mess. My brain is a messy whirlwind of doubts, fears, sadness...why do I feel like I'm losing what I once treasured more than anything?

Faith

2007-05-31T11:16:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, just realized that I have never posted on my faith. I think that I have mentioned God, but not really elaborated on what I believe. My faith affects my entire life....the way I think, the way I live...etc.Growing up in a "Christian setting", a day hasn't gone by in which I haven't prayed (or at least been prayed to), or have had some or other Bible lesson kicked my way. I listen to Christian music, I go to church, youth group, and Bible study. That said, sometimes I wonder why I believe what I do.
As a Christian, I have been taught to believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and that he died and rose again. Sometimes I wonder if really believe that, or if I'm just accepting it. I mean, it seems like it has all become a routine. Do I read my Bible because I want to, or because I was raised that way? If I grew up with the family across the street, would I still be a Christian? Probably not.
Part of me thinks that I believe in God because I have to...and the other part of me really does believe...when did everything become so complicated? When I was a little kid, all I knew or needed to know is that "Jesus loves you"....but I'm older now, and I'm actually starting to think for myself. Along with that thinking comes doubts. What if what I'm believing a lie? If Christianity is false, then what I'm living for is worthless. My one life would be thrown away, like many others. If what I believe is worthless...then any missionary who has ever been martyred died for nothing and threw their lives away.
However, even if I've been lied to all my life, I'd rather die for the cause of something false than live for nothing. I'm not a "good Christian girl", I'm certainly no Elsie Dinsmore. I just try my best..sometimes. I've lied, I've cheated, I've swore, I've picked fights, I've been disrespectful to my parents, I fight with my brother, I've had dirty thoughts, I'm apathetic, I'm sarcastic, I spend to much time on the computer, I'm insensitive to the feelings of others...I'm probably a bad influence on young children. I don't deserve to be looked up to, and I'm certainly no role-model.
Even so...I've always clung to my faith. No matter how depressed I've been, I've always turned back to God...but everything is so confusing now. I have to read the Bible and try to apply it to my life, and not look at it as a dusty old history book, not relevant to my life at all. Sometimes I don't feel like praying...and sometimes I feel empty when I do....but then I'll have this deep, intimate conversation with God, and I'll feel content. That doesn't happen every day, though.Sometimes I feel like only God matters, and that He's all I need. Other days I think that I need my friends just as much as I need Him.
Just because I grew up with Christian family doesn't mean that my faith is strong. Often I feel weak and insecure about my beliefs. So many things confuse me. Like the whole "Free will vs. Predestination" debate. Once I get thinking about that, my mind is so occupied that I can't focus. God is in control...then why am I held responsible for what I do? And if he is in control, how is that different than him writing out my every move? If he knows that I'm going to type this sentence, then am I predestined to write it? Is it inevitable that I write in this blog? Nothing makes sense. It seems that the more I learn the less I know. With every sermon I hear (those that I pay attention to), I get more confused. Why aren't there any easy answers? And why does every answer bring about more questions? Maybe it's just my crazy brain...it twists everything in my mind and drives me crazy.....it's kind of like a monkey that hangs over your head and pokes you...you try to get a grasp on it to hold it down so it won't bother you, but it hops away and leers at you from afar. Just as you can nearly get the monkey out of your thoughts, it pokes you again, and it continues poking you and laughing at you no matter what you do. A monkey is like a tough question...it can't be explained away, and every time you almost get an understanding of it, it slips from your grasp. I know it's a weird metaphor, but it works, and I hope that you understand what I'm talking about.

Dangit, this is long. Sorry.

To wrap things up: nothing makes sense...of course, why should I be able to understand God? He's the most high and awesome creator of everything...and I'm just weird little Fuzface the teenager who's trying to make sense of a muddled word, a muddled life.....heck, nothing makes any sense at all, least of all me.I know that this post doesn't really define my Faith...but I did the best I could...and got sidetracked. When I go off on a tangent, I can go on for hours (or pages). But I'm pretty much all written out and I really have nothing more to say. This took my about an hour to write, so read this carefully....think about it...comment if you want (and if you can make sense of my rambling.)Now, if you excuse me, Fiver and I must play chess.

Saying Goodbye...

2007-05-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

Whenever I, Fuzface, hear the phrase, "Saying Goodbye", I always think of The Muppets. I really hate that song...it depresses me.
You may ask why I am thinking about this. Well, today (or maybe it was yesterday) was the anniversary of my moving. I really can't believe I've lived here for a year. It seems like it has been a lot longer. Anyhow, I just want to write about it.
I have so many goodbye stories that I could make you cry....But I'll just focus on saying goodbye in general, and avoid separate illustrations, so as not to depress myself.
But how can I accurately describe that deep down sorrow you feel when you face that person for what could be the last time? You look into their eyes, and lock onto their face, trying to memorize every detail so if you never see the person again, you won't forget what he or she looks like. As you approach him or her, you just feel so helpless....and as you hug your friend for what could be the last time, you try to say something, but word fail you, as you try so hard not to cry. Then you draw away from your friend, an make eye contact....this part is even worse if the person is crying...and take a breath...Somehow you manage to croak out a "Goodbye"...and turn away so the person doesn't see you wipe your damp eyes. But then, you gain control over yourself, and manage to swallow your tears. As you turn to go, you throw one more longing glance over your shoulder, and lock eyes again, you almost start crying again, so you turn you head, wipe your eyes again and walk away....

Fuzface!!! (me)

2007-05-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface just realized that I never explained why I call myself Fuzface...
Fuzface is a nickname given to me last year by a friend. I liked it, and have been calling myself Fuzface ever since. I sign e-mails Fuzface, and whenever asked for my name, I say Fuzface.
I think that I'm actually becoming Fuzface...or maybe Fuzface is becoming me. I guess Fuzface is my alter-ego...or maybe I'm just crazy (that is a distinct possibility)...
Maybe Fuzface is just something I hide behind so no one know who I really am. To define Fuzface's character: Bold, wild, quirky, eccentric, random, rambling, immature.
To define my character: shy, quiet, terrifed of people, a thinker. But who am I really? How can I be both Fuzface and me? Maybe Fuzface is who I really am inside...and all that other stuff is to cover up how weird I really am. Or maybe Fuzface is the personality that comes out once you get to know me. I don't really know. All I know is that
I AM FUZFACE!!!

SWITCHFOOT! This song ROCKS!

2007-05-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, LOVE this song...and the video is HILARIOUS! You have got to watch it!! Oh, wait, you already are.

I wanna wake up kicking and screaming....I wanna wake up kicking and screaming
I wanna know that my hearts still beating, It's beating, I'm bleeding..

Check it OUT

2007-05-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, make almost no sense. If you want to read a blog that does make sense, click here. This is the blog of Pastor Nick Jones, and his wife, Amanda. They're both wicked awesome, so the result is wicked awesomeness. The link again, click here. Or here. Or here. Or here.

Or here. Why are you still here? Go there. Stop staring at my text, and read their text.

If those links don't work...

Try this

http://http//www.nickandamandajones.blogspot.com

Emotions

2007-05-12T05:16:00.000-07:00

My emotions are something that I, Fuzface, don't enjoy discussing. But, If I write one (1) post about emotions, I'll get it out of my system and not have to write about them again. Bear with me here.

We'll start with the word, "emotional". Now, when I hear the word "emotional", I automatically picture a woman sobbing while watching a chick flick. Emotional, I think, means "having emotion". Which would be all of us. So, therefore, we are all emotional beings. So to say, "I am not emotional", would be like saying "I have no feelings whatsoever". Which, even for the most heartless or cruel people, isn't true. So, what you mean to say is something along the lines of, "I prefer not to wear my emotions on my sleeve". To that I have only one thing to say.

"Ditto". That describes me pretty well. I mostly keep to myself, and save for a few extreme cases, I refrain from discussion about things of the emotional nature. That doesn't mean that I don't mind listening to a friend talking about their emotions, I just don't like talking about my own.

This brings us to the subject of crying. Which, to me, is a very ticklish subject. Crying seems to be looked down upon as something that only children and woman do. As a teenager, I tend to sometimes be somewhat scornful of emotion. I haven't cried in about a year. I used to be very emotional and sensitive. I cried a lot. When I was six, my dad read me "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" I was literally bawling when Aslan died. But now I have trained myself in the art of not crying. BUT....that doesn't mean I've bought into the lie that only sissies cry. Because even Jesus cried, and He's God's Son. If any of my friends, or if my mom or dad died I'd definitely cry, but I think that there is a time to cry, and a time to hang tough. Which is different for everyone.

OK. That's my spiel on emotions. I, Fuzface, am done. Peace out.

Heat, part 2.

2007-05-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

OK. Instead of griping about the heat as I did yesterday, I, Fuzface, will list ten (10) things I like about warm weather...here we go

1. SWIMMING!!!!! I love swimming, in the pool, the ocean, wherever....

2. My birthday. My birthday is in August. August 10. Only this year, I'll be in Ukraine for my birthday!! It's going to be sweeet!!!

3. No school! I don't have to do Chemistry or Algebra during summer. YAY!

4. Ummmm.....Kool Aide. I only drink the stuff in the summer.

5. Steak on the grill. I love steak. Especially nice juicy TENDER steak! ooh. Medium Rare, but nice an hot and brown on the outside.

6. Camping. In a tent. In the woods. Surrounded by bears, mosquitoes, and ticks.

7. Uhh....umm...the feel of air conditioner on my face as I walk on a sweltering day into the Library? I'm running out of ideas...

8. Going places I can't go in winter. Like, um, the zoo.

9. GAAAH! I can't think of anything. I'll skip nine.

10. BUNNIES!! Bunnies sit in the yard at dusk during the summer....only my yard is all dirt now, so there won't be any bunnies. Maybe snakes will hide in the rocks dislodged from the wall we had to destroy to build the addition to our house. Yeah...snakes are good.

So maybe I didn't actually have ten (10) things. I had eight. That's close enough. Oh well.......I tried.

Heat

2007-05-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, cannot stand the heat. My palms are sticky, and I am so tired. My hair feels like straw. I guess it's just because I'm so used to Winter, that now that it's warm, I feel like a slug. My brain doesn't focus well. For instance, yesterday, I misspelled my town name. I'm sort of scatterbrained, but not usually this much. I have to get used to it, I guess, because summer is upon us. Already! I can hardly believe it. But seriously, this heat is murder. I prefer cold days when I don't sweat when I send an e-mail. (haha). Anyways, I'm near an open window, so I get a good breeze. Our house is old, so we don't have air conditioner. Agh! I'm so hot I can't think straighat. or spel. I'll brtihg more tommoewo. I'll write more tomroww. tomorrow.

Swinging with your eyes closed

2007-05-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

Today I had to go to this homeshooling co-op that I have to go to every week. I have Chemistry, Constitutional law, and a writing course. Chemistry is miserable. Everyone at my table is best friends, in some sort of little clique. In Constitutional law, my friend Tohru and I sit at the same table. Naturally, we don't pay much attention. Anyhow, at lunch, we were sitting outside. Noticing the clique of girls all chatting and laughing, I mused aloud,
"I wonder how those girls do it? How are they all best friends? I'd give nearly anything to know what they're talking about,"
"I wouldn't," said Tohru. "It's probably not interesting anyway," Then, noticing a few swings were free, we rushed to them and began swinging.
"I wonder what it's like to be in a little group like that," I wondered again.
"I don't. I think it's better to make the best of life,"
"What do you think that is?"
"Swinging with your eyes closed." stated Tohru matter-of-factly.
"What??! That's weird." I scoffed.
"Just try it," she said. So, I closed my eyes and pumped my legs harder. It felt like I was flying as the wind seemed to rush all around me, and I flew higher. Somehow, it was different than just swinging with my eyes open....it really did feel like I was flying.
I think Tohru was right. Making the best of life, I think, is finding joy even the small unimportant things. I know it may sound stupid or childish, but really, you should try it. If we can't even appreciate the small things, how can we ever learn to appreciate the bigger things in life? It's true, sometimes I do feel discontented, but it's no use looking at the bad side of everything. It is easier to be pessimistic, and being optimistic is a lot of work. To do that, I guess you have to start with the small stuff. Like swinging with your eyes closed.

Ten things I don't understand.

2007-05-04T11:14:00.000-07:00

Today I've deiced to make a list of ten things I don't understand.

1. Eternity. My brain can't grasp the fact that something can't end.

2. How God was always here. It has always confused me. How can someone not have a beginning or a birth?

3. Why the motto for Guiness Beer is "Brillant", because obvously, it isn't brillant to drink it, and if you get drunk you are anything but brillant.

4. How can anyone write a 288 page long poem??? I can hardly write a page, and even then it's becasue of the spacing I have to use.

5. Why some childrens books get published. I mean, how can something lousy like "The Babysitters club" get so popular.

6. Why kids prefer to read those books instead of something good, like, say, Poe.

7. Chemistry. I don't get Chemistry.

8. The internet. I don't understand how words typed on my computer can get to your computer.

9. Why Spongebob is so popular, Seriously, the show is so stupid!

10. Why God even cares about a teenager like me who's failing Chemistry. (see num. seven)

A Long Rant

2007-05-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hello. I'm back. I'm in one of those moods where I just want to rant on and on about nothing in particular.....I suppose this is just a good a place as any to do it. I don't know if anyone is actually reading this. Even if you are reading it, I don't know if you're enjoying it. Maybe you're just passing over, and skimming my page. So far nearly all of my profile views are me, after I've changed it for the umpteenth time. While reading this, you're probably thinking, "This person is crazy!" I'd probably agree with you. I think that being home schooled has made me slightly crazy. I mean, with only Fiver, my sister, and Mom (Dad gets home later in the day) to talk to during the day, things get, well, kinda boring. I send a lot of e-mails, I update this every chance I get. I play Star Wars Battle Front on the Xbox. Fiver and I play chess. When he doesn't want to play chess or checkers or any other game, I play Solitaire while listing to Cd's. I really need something to do. I need to break my mundane routine.
Another reason I hate being home schooled is that I don't get to talk to people. Therefore, I feel as if I have become shy and absolutely TERRIFIED of speaking to people, even people I see all the time. I have no idea how to act around humanity, so I probably come across as some kind of comatose weirdo. I'm not, really, I just don't know how to talk to people. Which is definitely a problem. See, when I grow up, I want to be a missionary, but when it comes to human interaction, I clam up and don't know what to say. I don't know how to identify with kids my age. Even other homeschoolers, sometimes, I just feel distanced. It might have something to do with the fact that I don't know (or care) about what is popular. I find myself drawn to younger kids, not my peers. That might be because I have no one to hang out with except my eleven-year-old brother.
It's all I can to to keep myself from slipping back into apathy. Which is something God recently pulled me out of, and something that is a constant struggle for me. What can I do? I really don't know.
So that's the end of my rant. Sorry about that, but it felt good to type...although I may be apologizing to non-existent readers...

Poetry

2007-05-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

I, Fuzface, love poetry. Well, most poetry anyways. I am a fan of Edgar Alan Poe. "The Raven", in particular. Of course, Anabel Lee was pretty good, and "The Bells" had such a hypnotic rhythm that it nearly put me to sleep! (I was listing to it on tape). But I don't only like Poe. I recently had to read "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" for school. Mom said she had to read it, and that it was hard, and that she didn't like it. I have to admit, I was nervous when I read the first line, "It is an ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three. 'by thy long grey beard and glittering eye, no wherefore stopp'st thou me?'" Needless to say, I was slightly daunted, but I pushed through it and actually enjoyed it. Recently, I picked up "Paradise Lost" just for fun. It was referred to in "Frankenstein", so I decided to read it. Now I'm wondering how anyone can make a poem last 288 pages long! I know I couldn't. As much as I love poetry, I can't write it, so I have to be content with reciting it to annoy Fiver, my brother. He hates Poe, and gets really annoyed when I start to recite "The Raven". So I do it to annoy him. Teehee.
Anyhow.....I could go on for hours about poetry, but since you're probably bored out of your mind already, I'll let you go now.

Fiver, my brother

2007-05-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

Hello, Blogge! (I'm the blogger. That makes you the blogge.) Anyways, I just got back from my algebra lesson. Which is totally boring so I won't talk about that. Right now, my brother, Fiver is reading over my shoulder, while eating cheezits. Fiver is your typical-not-so-typical eleven-year-old boy. He loves video games, bugging me, and comics. He and I often disagree. In fact, there isn't much we DO agree on. We have disputes in most areas. For example, I am SLIGHTLY obsessed with Jars of Clay (a band.) Fiver, however, is less than thrilled. In the same way Fiver likes a certain book series, The Underland Chronicles, which I personally cannot stand. I prefer REAL literature, but I'll post on my reading preferences later.
Although we cannot agree on most things, Fiver and I both love chess. Right now, he is hovering over my shoulder, begging for a game. So I shall oblige, even if he always beats me. So, I'm signing off now. Goodbye!

Entry One (Oh so creative Title!)

2007-05-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

Hellooo! Welcome to my blog of randomness. This, of course, means that I will post whatever thoughts float through my head, no matter how pointless the thought may be. Of course, not ALL of my random thoughts are pointless, but most are! But my brain is utterly blank now, so I'll post more when I actully have something to say!